Too Much Choice - Part II

I'm about to embark on a short business trip to Germany. I've been to visit these places before, and so in some senses it's familiar, but as always I'm a little nervous when travelling to non-English speaking countries.

I'll be visiting some academics in Muenchen (Munich), and I think they speak better English than I. Of course I probably have a larger vocabulary, and a better grasp of idioms and slang, but I suspect their grammar and usage far surpasses my own. To be able to speak more than one language fluently is something I find greatly impressive. So, why am I nervous about heading over there? Taxi drivers and Hotel staff, and I'll tell you why.

Whilst most professional Germans speak English as a second language, like most countries, German taxi drivers and hotel workers tend to be immigrants, and as such are thus speaking German as a second language, and English as a distant third. Thus, when travelling in continental Europe taking a taxi, and checking in and out of hotels always causes me some excitement.

Recently, I've been thinking about the financial cost of having so many languages, and as such so many barriers to communication. Who knows what an accurate figure would be, but I can only guess that it's a vast number. So, in my effort to simplify the world, and remove extraneous choices, I suggest that we (everybody in the world) speak a common language. Of course, this would not be a simple, or an easy exercise, but I think you'll agree it will be worth it in the end. Imagine a publisher being able to publish a single version of a book that spans all nationalities and countries; this alone has to be worth it. Nonetheless I expect many people will disagree, and claim that I haven't thought about this scheme in depth. Well, let me disagree, I have! I've even solved the next step which is deciding what the common language would be: Latin.

Let me explain why Latin is the obvious choice:

1) It's the fairest option, as there is no country which uses Latin as its Lingua Franca, and so we'll ALL have to learn it, and ALL need to give up our current mother tongue.

2) It's classed as a dead language. This is clearly a waste. We need to resuscitate it, and bring it back to life. If you're going to have a language, make sure that it's pulling its weight.

3) It's remarkably compact. Often whole sentences in English can be expressed in Latin with remarkably few words. This will have many consequences, for example, e-mails and text messages will be shorter, and cost less. Books will be shorter, and cost less. The reading speed of everybody will immediately increase, helping education metrics no-end! Also, roadsigns can be designed with larger fonts, and will be easier to read at speed, and this will help my chauffeur enormously.

4) It's not Esperanto, which was just plain daft.

Damn, now I'm going to have to re-market my products. Anybody know the Latin for 'Paralun'?